Personal Battles we have from Within Us , This is Mine ....

I was once told that I would never be able to read or write like the rest of my classmates .

Writing without the mix up of letters , reading a paragraph without skipping a bunch of lines , or basic word pronunciations to talk without a stutter will be a life long challenge to try and over come .

To this day , I struggle more than words will ever say .

Pushing myself every day , forcing my mind and emotional embarrassment to the edge .

Growing up I never saw an A or A+ on my report cards , unless it was in art or my learning development class . Talk about a disappointment .

I struggled with basic individual class assignments and homework which took most of the night , sometimes till midnight and I was only 10 .

I never raised my hand to answer questions like the other kids . I never understood what was going on . I was lost from the time classes started right straight through till the end of the school day .

I felt alone ….

Here I was , listening to every word . Words , which to me , sounded like a bunch of letters smashed together meaning absolutely nothing !

I often acted as though I understood conversations , when in reality , I was lost after the very first word . The older I was getting the less socially accepted my learning disability became .

Being tested at a young age , my learning difficulties were classified as a reading comprehension disability . Neglecting the fact that letters I wrote and words I saw were backwards .

Here I am , almost 32 years old with what seems as though my disability will never change .

For most people , words you see , say and write are effortless . For myself , I’m in absolute confusion .

I never thought I would be sitting here blogging about something so personal .

Embarrassed , to say the least . I still have to push through it .

My best friend recently said to me , “ Rox , you should write about this . Maybe your story will touch the hearts of those that have the same struggles . Perhaps you can shed some emotional light to those that feel so alone , just like you have for so many years . “

Here I am ….. Blogging ….

Expecting those around me to put me down , tease me , or even say , “ you still don’t get it , do you “.

Not only is it just reading and writing but the simple act of speech sometimes takes all my strength .

Dyslexia is the impaired ability to understand written language . Letters , words , numbers in which I see backwards effects almost everything I do in my daily life . Whether it be reading the time on a digital clock , a purchase total , or measuring out ingredients required for food preparation are near impossible to comprehend .

During my high school years , for me it was not just about socializations or to be part of the “ in crowd ” , but those of acceptance and emotional battles I had to overcome due to my disability .

Teachers would ask me to read aloud , yet panic would set in and I would freeze . With words and letters running away faster and faster on every page , my stutter became more noticeable which made matters worse .

Struggling to read the simplest words , for example the word , “ The ” , or the word , “ is ” , created simplicity for my classmates to giggle , point and tease me . Often I will start reading the beginning of a sentence to find myself reading the same part over and over , skipping words or reading backwards from the end of the sentence which leaves me being extremely confused . By this time , I’m so tired from putting in all this energy into reading to have made little to no progress . Let’s not forget , numerous times spent re-reading 1 sentence over and over again , just to be able to comprehend or get all the words pronounced the correct way to make any sense of it all .

Most of the people I meet today would never know I struggle this much .

Often I struggle with the placement of the right word to coincide with the right meaning , not to mention placement in the sentence . For example the words , who and how . For those who understand how hard this is , my heart goes out to yours . So many times I have wrote the wrong word thinking it was the right word .

Over the years , I have become determined to hide my disability which consumes most , if not all my energy so others wouldn’t notice my struggle . Creating less chance for me to be tormented by others , who in fact didn’t realize how much I truly did struggle . Understanding learning disabilities is only half the problem , to live it , is the other half !

Until recently , I have been hiding behind my disability instead of embracing it . I realized that I can‘t hide forever . Recently I learned my best friends son has a disability similar to mine . He has been tormented , miss understood , and most of all pushed into the background with the lack of help that he truly needs .

They say help is out there , yet the cost sends parents for a loop . How many of us really have the financial funds to pay the thousands that is required to give your child the proper learning recourses they need . Not all of us are billionaires nor do we wish to see our child struggle with what comes easy to us .

I thought that perhaps my story would help others change their mind frame and know that its not your fault , nor should you be embarrassed for which you learn different than others .

Sometimes we are given a challenge in life . This being one of life’s most draining emotional challenge , in my point of view . Effecting everything you do on a daily basis . Ask yourself , how bad do you want to change what is a struggle for yourself . We can’t sit here and expect others to truly understand unless they too experience similar , if not the same struggle .

Everyday is going to be a struggle , what matters is how much you let it effect your life . If you are willing to let a disability take control of your life , that’s giving up !

If allowed my disability take control and gave up on the things I have struggled with most , I wouldn’t be where I am today . Those that were there every step of the way , you have been the true effect of positive reflection in which I hold dear to my heart .

Since I have decided to forget about what others think of me , I have developed a more liberating lifestyle . I have truly opened up to seeing life’s endless possibilities .

I can’t change what is , but I can change what will be . I can’t go on through life without the effort . All I can do is hope and have faith that one day my letters , speech and what I see will be different .

You have only 1 life to live , make sure you enjoy each day as if it were your last .

I know on the inside you may feel scared , embarrassed , unaccepted , stereotyped , yet , your not alone .


I may draw attention to those who read what I write , yet the words I express truly take every inch of my energy , mind and soul which I push to shine through and beyond .

I may not have correct grammar , punctuations or word placement . But , what I do have is , a mind full of life , soul with emotions , a heart of warmth , and laughter with happiness which no one can take from me . It doesn’t matter how well you may write , talk or read , what is most important is how confident you are within your disability .

May the experience with continuous learning difficulties I face each and every day , shed some light to those that have similarities within their struggle .

Your never alone …….


It’s hard for me to hand write on a lined piece of paper , yet typing I have little or no letter mix up . Perhaps it is due to the visibility of each letter right there in front of my eyes . A sense of repetition in memorising where each letter remains on a keyboard . Thus , it still doesn’t help the placement of the letters while typing .

I have been told on numerous occasions , I have a great way of telling a story no matter if it is spoken or written . I struggle so often , I push for the existence of knowing that even within my disability , greatness can still come out in a way we never thought could happen .

I know the abilities I have and the abilities I don’t have . I push for those to equal out and balance from one to the other . Never once will I neglect the facts that I have to learn different from others . Over time I have learned acceptance , which is realization of fact or truth within a disability one may have and the process to come to terms with it .

I may not be able to read something and understand it , but I know when I have someone to read things to me , I get it !

I may not be able to write my letters without the occasional mix up or write words where they appear to be written correctly , not backwards .

Yet I know with , time , patience and persistence I will be able to overcome anything that will stand in my path . I am who I am and I will succeed for what I want in life !

Dreams , goals and faith set the road to success . We all have strength and weakness . Let your strength create the path and your weakness push you harder to achieve what your life means to you !